Do you know what you need to get before you get a date? Over the next few weeks, I want to talk about dating, marriage and romance. As we start off, I want to address those that are still in the dating game. So what is it that you need to “get” before you get a date? The first thing you need to get is a life.
I wonder if any of you have ever had a dating relationship end with a bunch of heartache, tears, and disappointment. Perhaps you tried to figure out how life was going to go on without the other person. And then realized something… You put so much energy and focus into your dating relationship, and so much of your self worth was wrapped up in the other individual. All of sudden you woke and realized how much of your life had been on hold because of that relationship. Your career, your interests, your friendships and your relationship with God had all taken a backseat to Mr. (or Ms.) Right – and now you have discovered that the person was Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong.
One of the biggest dangers that any single person needs to be aware of as a potential dater is the temptation to make another person the center of our life. The First commandment of dating is this: Thou shalt get a life! Your own life.
The most important element you will ever bring into a real relationship is a real life with a sense of purpose, identity, and healthy self-esteem. You do not want to bring a needy, desperate, clingy life into a dating relationship. You are not ready to date if that is where you are.
In the book of Genesis, God created man and then put him in the garden to work it and take care of it. Man had God first in his life. Then man was given a life purpose. He wasn’t just sitting around waiting for love to come along. Eventually the Lord said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).
God is the one who said it is not good for the man to be alone. God had a plan to bring a relationship into man’s life. He was preparing a bride for him. God didn’t give man a helper because he was an emotional basket case and didn’t know what to do with himself on Friday nights. God was making a suitable helper for man, a complement to what was already good. A “helper” or partner from God is not meant to fix what is broken or fill what is empty in our lives.
A true potential partner is meant to be a companion to complement and strengthen that which is already good. God made relationships to be two parts that work harmoniously together. Please read this next phrase carefully: A relationship with the opposite sex is not meant to be a band-aid for a bleeding heart. Human relationships were never meant to give us the life we have finally been looking for. We are supposed to bring our own life into our relationship, and ultimately into our marriage.
God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” So many have instead turned it into the thought: “I can’t stand to be alone.” And they buy the lie that they are insignificant if they are not in a dating relationship. They always have to have a man (or a woman) in order to feel good about themselves. People with real lives don’t always need to be in a relationship with someone else to feel good about themselves. I want to warn you from setting all of your hopes for fulfillment in a dating relationship. Finding the right partner is awesome, but you do not want to put so much pressure on a relationship that you are liable to suck the life out of the other person. So, do you need to get a life? And that’s the Word.
If you do not tend to nurture the flame of marriage, it will eventually burn out. In this message, hear about the different flames of love that contribute to the overall flame of marriage.