There is a key word when it comes to marriage. There is also a key word when it comes to dating. It is not a word that is often mentioned or thought of in the world of dating and marriage though. Honestly, what words come to mind – romance, attraction, passion, chemistry, etc. These certainly are elements of good long term relationships. Perhaps the most important description of a good marriage, however, is a friendship. The best marriages happen when the man and the woman are also best friends. Friendship is not really a sexy word in the world of romance, but it cannot be over-rated in making a good marriage. This means that a couple really enjoys being with one another. Yes, they are lovers, partners, and team-mates, but through it all there is a relationship of friends.
Genesis 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” Man needed a companion to walk with him. He was made for a relationship. Yes the aspect of partnership is here, but the bigger idea represented is companionship. A man and a woman should seek to enter into their marriage as best friends. Building upon a solid companionship with one another will lead to greater intimacy in their marriage. And greater intimacy will lead to more trust, more respect and more love. I have heard people say they could never marry someone because they are too good of friends. If there was absolutely no physical attraction there, then I understand. If there is some physical attraction though, there is no better foundation to build upon than that of a true friendship.
Passion in a marriage will ebb and flow. As powerful as sexual attraction is (and yes it is powerful), there is a whole lot more time spent together outside of the bed than in it. And even most of the time in the bed is spent sleeping. So you better be able to talk to one another. You better develop some common interests.
I met my wife in college. She immediately fascinated me. She was fun to hang around. We could really talk with each. We enjoyed each other’s company. We both had a love for God. It took me a while though to realize that she was the one. Finally, a woman told me that you don’t get married because you think you could live with someone, but because you can’t live without them. I don’t know if that is the best advice, but it made sense for me. Amber was the one woman that I didn’t want to live without. I had dated some very nice girls, but Amber was different. I wanted her to be a part of my life forever. I wanted her friendship. I wanted her companionship.
Many marriages that struggle do so for a variety of reason. I am willing to bet though that it is often not as much about your sex life, or the fact that you have fallen out of love. The truth is often that you are no longer best friends (or maybe you never were). You have drifted apart, because you have not been intentional in nurturing the flame of friendship.
So, are you still single? Let me give you some advice: Marry someone who you think can become your best friend for life. Are you married? Don’t underestimate the power of friendship. Grow together. Nurture one another. Have fun together. Love deeply together. Grow old together. There is no more important human relationship than that between a husband and wife. And that’s the Word.
What should be the purpose and focus of a dating relationship? Discover the path that will lead to a healthy relationship and true intimacy.