How is your marriage flame burning? Does it seem like a fire than burns brightly and strong? Is it more like a spark that you are trying to keep alive? Or is it like more like a pile of ashes that have long since grown cold?
If marriage is compared to a flame, it is a flame that must be tended to often if it is going to continually burn. I heard Rob Bell, a gifted communicator, refer to marriage as a flame that is made up of three smaller flames. Each of these flames must be combined together for the marriage flame to really burn strong.
The first flame is the flame of friendship. I spoke about the importance of this several weeks ago in this article. A husband and wife were meant to be companions for each other. They should truly become best friends. People who just have physical attraction as the basis of their relationship will easily become bored with each other. They will eventually want to move on to someone else in the future. Best friends do not get bored with each other. Best friends do not feel the need to move on.
In the Old Testament, a newly married man was not allowed to go off to war. He was called to stay at home with his wife. Even the best of generals would not have looked down on him. Do you think this was because the Lord thought it was so important for the new young couple to take time to get to know one another? Friendship creates intimacy between a man and a woman.
The second flame is the flame of lasting commitment. God’s love for us is unconditional love. God is committed for the long haul. He will not back out, or give up on us – even on our worst days. God is not looking for an out.
It is this type of commitment that God wants us to build our marriages upon. Just as God says, “I will never leave you. I will never forsake you,” we are called to the same love and commitment.
In the Song of Solomon (a great biblical romance story), the woman says to her man: “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” (Song of Songs 8:6
) A seal was a sign of ownership. When she said, “place me as a seal over your heart,” she was telling him that she wanted his heart to belong to her. She didn’t want any other woman in his heart, or on his arm. She didn’t want to share him. When she described love being stronger than death and as unyielding as the grave, she was speaking about the permanence of the marriage commitment. It is a pledging of two lives together, for better for worse. Sometimes in marriage, the only flame burning is the flame of commitment. You must keep that flame burning though in order to make it through the tough times.
The last flame God wants us to nurture is the flame of romance. This is an important aspect of marriage, and healthy marriages keep this flame alive. The flame of romance will never sustain a marriage by itself. And yet, it should continually burn on in a marriage. Romance brings warmth to a marriage. I heard it said that Satan will do everything he can to get a couple into bed with each before marriage, and do everything to keep them out after marriage. The flame of romance and passion should be a continual source of love for a couple.
Three flames creating one bigger FLAME! As we nurture the flame of friendship, the flame of commitment, and the flame of romance, the flame of marriage can and will burn stronger and brighter through time. So don’t flame out in your marriage. And that’s the Word.
Tags: David Yarborough, Marriage, st. simons community church, the brunswick news, What's the Word?